there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I FOUND THE LEGS
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
