every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
