could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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