I think my fart just growled at me.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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