I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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