Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
