Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
