So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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