I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
