Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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