so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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