So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
