at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
