bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
