I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
