it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
