Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
