I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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