Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
