i just made my gag reflex go away.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
