You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
