How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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