You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
