His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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