Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
