My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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