just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
