hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
