I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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