i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
