so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
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