this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
