My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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