Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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