Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
