GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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