...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
