Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
