I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize