I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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