I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
