It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
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BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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