the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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