That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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