and you said cock pushups were impossible
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It's blow job season.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize