Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
