I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
