I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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