We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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