You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
