Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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