From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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