Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
