I want to walk on stilts...naked
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
