What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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