He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
