birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
