I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
