Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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