there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I think my moral compass just broke
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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