I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
