Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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