Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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