woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
