After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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