turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
