so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
