I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
