I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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