If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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