**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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